Sunday, August 19, 2012

Second Installment: The Western Review is in.

I may have slowed my roll but the Western-watchin' Extravaganza continues.  The ferocity of my movie appetite is not as great but just as necessary.  I frequented a different library branch for this batch of flicks, I needed a new setting for phase two.  

Opening scene...annnndd...ACTION!

The library was packed.  And loud.  Did I mention I was in a library?  I was unfamiliar with the layout of the building and it took me a minute to meander through the conversing masses and find the DVD section.  "Excuse me, scuse me..sorry, pardon..excuse we go....pardon, hi there, excuse me... sorry, just need to get right where you are leaning and talking to your friend there, thanks."  Finally.  I snagged the first couple of Westerns I saw that fit into my criteria:  pre-1980, no tv shows, and no musicals.  I was outta there.  I skirted along the perimeter wall to avoid interrupting any conversations or worse yet get sucked into one.  In my opinion, the library is not  a place to make friends, I'm there to feed my brain.  I made it to the check out line but not without being hit on by a hulked-up Little Richard.  When I looked back at my reflection in his gold tooth, I thought...hey, I'll take any compliment.  Any time.  Anywhere.

Let the movies roll...

Hombre (1967) Paul Newman
We've got another stagecoach situation on our hands.  I will never take this mode of transport because it seems that you will always be fated for an attack of some sort.  Hombre is no exception.  One of my fav things about this flick (besides young Paul Newman's fine face) is leading lady, Jessie's hair.  You could always tell the desperation of the situation by her auburn locks which progressively got wilder throughout the film.  By the end, it looked like rats had taken up residence on her head.  One of the best lines, "Eh, Hombre...a compliment of your shooting.  You have put a hole in me".

Once Upon a Time in the West (1968) Charles Bronson & Henry Fonda
I will never look at a harmonica in the same way.  If you ever find yourself in some second rate whiskey joint or perhaps a dusty ole desert landscape and you hear the lonely wail of a harmonica, take cover...some code red shit is about to go down.  My favorite line from the movie: 
Bronson:  "I saw 3 of these dusters a short time ago, they were waiting for a train.  Inside the dusters there were 3 men."
Robards:  "So?"
Bronson:  "Inside the men there were 3 bullets." 

Missouri Breaks (1976) Marlon Brando & Jack Nicholson
Dude...Brando AND Nicholson?  Yes, sir.  I could leave it at that but there's more...Randy Quaid makes an appearance to boot.  The movie poster reads:  "One steals.  One kills.  One dies".  And indeed they do.  Nicholson plays a horse thief and Brando plays this total space-cadet-shaman-assassin.  There are odd bouts of silliness that I found off putting for example in mid chase the characters would just Three Stooge it up or pull a Smokey and the Bandit move.  It just added to the weird factor.  

The Cowboys (1972) John Wayne
Why don't you hire a bunch of prepubescent boys to cowhand an epic cattle drive?  Cuz shit gets crazy and the little bastards turn into killing machines.  Indeed Mr. Wayne, school may be out but class is in session.

*****HALL OF LAME*****
I'm a huge believer of finishing a movie you begin but below are 2 movies that my soul rejected within the first 30 min. and would not allow my body to continue to view. 

Duel in the Sun ((1946) Gregory Peck
An orphaned girl who looks to be pushing 40 lands herself a sweet mansion-hacienda setup foster family-style.  By the second day she has already fallen in love with one brother and been molested by the other bro.  Click.  That's me hittin' eject.

Little Big Man (1970) Dustin Hoffman
Dustin Hoffman raised by Cherokees.  My wild-ass imagination can't even make that work. 

Even during a suckfest like Little Big Man, progress was made on Robo-Wagon.  I say 5 or 6 more Westerns and this bad boy just might be finished!


  1. LMBO !!!

    Love you,

  2. Mrs. Posey should fire the lame-os she has writing for her Grizzley paper and let you take over. These reviews were more entertaining than the flicks.